JinnyJinny's Xanga

It hurts to love you.

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 04:52:26 GMT

janice: today, we're going to make a card for (team member)'s birthday.
cute boy: i don't want to.
janice: why? don't you like receiving cards on your birthday?
cute boy: (grunts and draws a birthday cake with minimal effort)
janice: GREAT! ........
okay, it's time to finish up. before you leave, i have something to give you.
cute boy: (eyes twinkle at the oreo biscuit)
janice: you can have it after lunch.
cute boy: (receives it, then chucks it to another boy in the class)

........ sometimes i just don't understand.

To tell the truth, these kids make me cry all the time.
I'm not upset because of them,
i care for these kids SO much,
and it just hurts to see them so unhappy.
it's FRUSTRATING to see
them so angry all the time.

God.... i want to stop having to HURT after your heart.
when will they taste the joy you bring?..............

Please pray for Janice:
Peace and perseverance with the children, especially as Christmas approaches.
Trust in God through this bitter season of life.
Joy for when i see myself.
Love for when i see my enemies. iron sharpens iron.
and one more...
Anticipation for my big, blank, 2008.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.
acknowledge him in all your ways and he will make your path straight.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 09:35:36 GMT

I have a maker he calls me his own
He'll never leave me no matter where i go
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And hears me when I call...

I have 170 unread emails.

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:25:39 GMT

Call me crazy but I'm in an internet cafe at 8:30pm.
I don't usually stay out till later than 6pm because it starts getting dark not to mention dangerous.
I get to use the internet so little nowadays because my schedule's been getting bigger.
?m not even going to read this post a second time through. beware: it may be boring.

Having been here for about 4 months now, i've encountered almost every existing emotion
and tasted what seemed like hell. I can say it now because THANK GOD i've managed to
get a grip on this road. ahh.... i'm pretty confident to say that if you are reading this, there's a
good chance that i'm missing you right now.
4 month ey? In a sense it's short, in another it's long. If you were to ask me, "how's Cambodia?"
i'd think about it for a long time.... then say, "normal..." I''ve forgotten how to compare this place
to Sydney now. I don't know how i'll ever go back to coffee over $1 and a kilo of onions for
more than 40 cents. Only in Cambodia can you buy phone credit and receive 2 cans of coke
with your change. Only in Cambodia can you get away with wearing pyjamas in the city, and
only in Cambodia can you see men filing their own nails (like the one who's sitting next to me
right now). Only in Cambodia.... man i'm going to feel odd whenever i think back to this place.
I see accidents everyday. motorbikes, cars, people, animals, you name it.
Do i have friends?.... PASS.
haha no, i've met some awesome people. being on the mission field it's rare to meet anyone
less than amazing. I'm learning, I'm being challenged, and I'm being stretched. It's when I'm
plonked among unfamiliar faces and uncomfortable environments that i learn the first thing about
......loving other people. (now did that sound deep? i was hoping it might)
After spending a lot of time alone and observing my own life,
i come to think that God's love for me is simply beyond my understanding.
And the reason i haven't been posting any of my photos..... is quite lame. There are so many
I don't know which ones to choose.......... no really.
Am I eating well?....
so well, that i don't really want to go there.
Am I black?
lets just say that some of the kids whom i thought were rather dark when i first met them,
are now lighter than i am. lets not go there.
Did I get your SMS?
if you're asking me this, then probably not. i reply to all my rarely received messages.
Do I cook?
Does coffee and toast count?
Language?
Every once in a while, i have to stop in the middle of a conversation and think to myself
"what in the world are you saying?"... My Khmer, is enough to have an awkward conversation
with a child on the street. but it's a miracle! I realised that if you want to be good at this language,
it's going to cost you your dignity :)

It's been a real treat to experience first-hand God working in my life. every passing thought
He takes note of and makes sure to surprise me now and again.

There's so much to learn and experience. I just want to be well-prepared to make the most of it.

the word of this year so far, would have to be something along the lines of LOVE.

Cambodia D-DAY

Mon, 14 May 2007 18:01:27 GMT

...speechless

it's currently 5am, and i've finally made it to the day of my departure.
despite my tiredness and life-threatening need for sleep, i felt an urge
in my guts to come on and say this.

THANK YOU to every person who's donated from $1 to hundreds.
Through financial and prayer support, i was able to meet a faithful God,
a BIG God, and a good God.
He will use every dollar and every cent to impact a single life in Cambodia.
And on behalf of that nation, i will say thank you.

so, how am i feeling?
to put it bluntly, i'm all excited, nervous and scared mushed into one.
please continue to pray for me partners.
You guys are my life support.

See you soon :)

already homesick,
Janice

Cambodia D-3

Sat, 12 May 2007 10:33:11 GMT

It's quite creepy to think that this time next week,
i'll have been in another country for 4 days.
So already i'm feeling like things are coming
to a close for me here in Sydney. (shrugs)
Maybe it's because i'm finally saying goodbyes
to friends and family. Speaking of which, my
relatives came over to have dinner at ours tonight.
A lot of family! And this is just of my mum's side too.

I think my haraboji is so cute... He's so kind...
"JINNY YA! i brought you a present"
and i dig into an over-filled plastic bag to find...
bars and bars and more bars of soap! hehe
considering the water in Cambodia makes you
feel DIRTIER once you've showered in it, (ew)
i'm rather grateful for the gift.

//sister sonia, cousin kara, me janice, cousin chris, and brother sean :)

here's a photo of dj taking a photo of janice
who's taking a photo of dj. some time ago
before i worked at gelatissimo.

And here we have a few traffic lights lazing in the sun.
(i almost had an accident taking this shot)

Cambodia D-7

Mon, 07 May 2007 16:15:55 GMT

Thank you :)
Through last Sunday's offering,
EM plays a part in flipping Cambodia upside down.
Considering the situation i was in before,
to me this missions offering is truly some supernatural act of God
(which i was waiting for) and it makes me want to just BOAST about Him!
God's not only proven his faithfulness to me, but to the nation of Cambodia,
and every cent of this offering will be used with prayer and wisdom...
it'll be used toward adding another name to the list of heaven

i'll leave the opportunity open for anybody to make an offering
because it is something i've finally come to terms with...
" missions is not about me, it's all about God's work."
and anyone who wants to be a part of it is MOST WELCOME.

After reading this QT message, i felt rather dumb-struck.

Matthew 6:25-34
²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

D-12

Thu, 03 May 2007 01:26:51 GMT

YESSSSS! finally :)
My leaving date has been finalised:
Tuesday 15th May
TIME: 0805
Singapore Airlines

wow! i'm thrilled that it's happening, but at the same time, i'm super nervous.
if you view my situation by the eyes of man, i think you'd be laughing at how unprepared i am,
maybe even doubtful that i'll be able to leave at all... but for months on end, i've been trained to know that GOD.IS.FAITHFUL.
sorry to be boring, but it's the simple truth.
I'm uber short on funds, still in the middle of missions training, with no idea what to even pack, but regardless of my doubtful circumstances, my plane ticket's been booked with faith. because God is uber uber faithful
i would think twice about leaving, if i were in this alone... but i'm not.
everyone who prays for me as they read this post, is my partner.
and i don't even need to know your names (though that would be extremely nice) cuz ultimately,
it's not me who hears you, it's God who catches even the most quiet mutter of your prayers.
and i WILL be effected by them on the mission field in Cambodia.

in light of that, with only 12 days to go...
i'll be doing a short presentation/testimony at EM this sunday.
someone told a story which inspired me to basically put
this mission trip on the table for anyone to see and support.

So the average korean Jim Kim enters the gates of heaven,
and is tapped on the shoulder by a Cambodian man.
He says,"excuse me, i just wanted to say thank you.
Because of what you've done, my family and i have been
saved from eternal death in hell and come to this place."
But our average korean Jim Kim is baffled.
He's never even met a Cambodian in his lifetime,
let alone shared the gospel with this man.
So he replies,"you must have the wrong person,
i've never even been on a mission trip.
The most i've ever done is donate $10 to a missionary."
And the man says, "well it must have been your $10
which allowed that missionary to come, and share the gospel...."
And God, who happens to be passing by, over hears this conversation
and turns to Jim. "Well done my good and faithful servant"
he says with a Godly cheese, "well done."

"The man who plants and the man who waters have the same purpose,
and each will be rewarded according to his own labour."
-John 4:35

financial support, prayer, words of encouragement
these are some of the possible ways to impact a person's life
without even meeting them.
I'll be giving out my prayer card and support letters this week,
if i don't run into you, please RUN INTO ME!
thanks

Meanwhile, i've had this cold for a while and it's not helping my stress levels at the moment.
Two ulcers, a coldsore, and bad skin. oh pleasant

and yesterday, i worked my last shift at gelatissimo.
Here are a few things i learnt working with ice-cream for 2 months:

business men, homeless men, 80 year olds, 2 year olds. what do they all have in common?
a passionate love for ice-cream.
they use real sesame oil in "black sesame" ice-cream,
you feel the need to order a bowl of rice to accompany the taste.
forget dieting
people of a certain race can't say, "lime"
people of a certain race say, "lem" or "larrrm"
the most popular flavours: forest berries, hazelnut, mango, veronese chocolate (ferrero roche)...
the newest flavours: green tea, cinnamon doughnut
forget dieting
you get those 'once in a while' customers who come in and order
a "dish of chop-chick ice-cream"
sometimes i get a little baffled when sophisticated-looking women walk in and say, "can i please have a scoop of chocolate with a PINK spoon?" so i respond, "sorry, we don't have BIG spoons" and she repeats, "i said PINK spoon"........... oh, ofcourse
after the easter break, we were told to give away all our hot-cross bun lavour. "we're giving away free scoops of gelato. would you like to try some?"
Here's the majority of responses i received:
- sure!!.......... (looks around) actually... no thanks
- hot cross bun? eww.
- why?
the day i ate zero amount of gelato, came 37 days after my first shift
forget dieting
"strawberry" is a boy's favourite
of 32 flavours, tiramisu and rum&raisin contain alcohol. (for all you alcomoholics)
koreans don't know i'm korean and they complain, "ahh~ jjom mani poh jooji".... so i grab a hideous scoop, pat it on, make it look monstrous, then say with a big smile, "gamsa hamnida!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
joy, chris oppa, mince, jem, marie, sonia, esther, isaac, danny, suji onni, jun, juri, nathan, kj, thanks for dropping by you guys! and ofcourse much love to those who tried
:edit: and ANDY PANDY ofcourse, i always forget the obvious

// nancy with pretty feet, and janice

oh, on a side note: ANYONE INTERESTED IN DONATING BLOOD?
it's something i really want to do, while my blood still feels somewhat clean...

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 02:28:56 GMT

   "The best use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts it."-William James

   I had a beautiful dream last night.
  The whole of my church came with
  me on a mission trip to Cambodia
  We sat in a circle with many children
  of unfamiliar faces, and sang praises.
  The kids pushed me into the river;
  and in that contaminated water,
  i laughed and played for hours.
  wow, i felt so content :)
  and wow, the power of dreams.

"The most important thing is that i
complete my mission,the work that
the Lord Jesus gave me." Acts 20:24

if anyone has 6 months to spare with nothing much to do
and is interested in impacting the eternity of a Cambodian's life,
......i wouldn't mind a partner :)

The truth.

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 23:48:22 GMT

Jesus, i can't wait to see you.
Please come soon.

hate the world today.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. this is getting tough.

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 12:36:36 GMT

i need one of these.

the biggest distraction from God is my own mind.
i will not run this race for silver. come on janice.
tho... satan also deserves a good beating right about now.

prayer request:
OPEN MY EYES.
LOOK AHEAD.
FOCUS.
PERSEVERE.

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head

Starfield